I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
