i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
