i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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