Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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