I am spending my child support on dildos
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
