You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
