My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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