Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
