Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
