maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
