That's intense
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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