New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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