And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
