if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
