There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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