he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize