I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
