Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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