When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
