Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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