So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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