So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
