i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
