i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
