There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
