spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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