I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
