I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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