Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
