Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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