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I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Actions speak louder than pants.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
