just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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