Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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