A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
