Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize