Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
