I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
