is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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