I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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