There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
