omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
