you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
