Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Someone came in the potted fern
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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