im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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