Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
MIDGETS
????
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
