I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
