I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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