Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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