no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
