I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
