Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
