how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
