my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
