Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
