I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
