Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
