I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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