you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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