I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
