i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize