I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
