Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Randomize
