How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
