Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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