I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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