Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
