im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
