I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
