He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Someone came in the potted fern
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
