dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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