she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
