Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
