Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
