Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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