I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
