Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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