I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
