Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
