if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
