I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
