While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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