I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
