I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
