I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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