this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
