If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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