she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
