9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
