Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
