420 ftw
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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