That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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