It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
