I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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