the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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