I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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