oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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