Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
