I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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