Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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