Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
