I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
