is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
